Motherhood – Learning who your real friends are

“As we grow up we realize its less important to have a ton of friends and more important to have real ones”

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Before I became a mother, I was very much carefree; always out clubbing, holidays all the time, whatever I wanted to do, I did it. Which I am so proud of now. At the time I thought I had my friends and they were my friends for life, literally. I would be with them all the time and we always had plans. I could make friends so easy; I wouldn’t be afraid to go out with new friends either. I made friends through friends too. I thought I could rely on all of them with anything, turns out I could not. Now this isn’t a post to dig out old friends, but things changed and so do people. 

Now I am in a “Motherhood Bubble”, when I look back at all my other friends and old memories. I realise my priorities were all because of them. From a chilled night in to getting wasted on a night out. 

As soon as I found out I was pregnant I did not feel a huge change. My friends would still message me, not as much because I wasn’t going out, but they would still check on me. Continuously say they cannot wait for cuddles with the baby etc. Like all ‘friends’ do. This is when I started to doubt who was my actual friends because I could tell the difference between who was just saying it for the sake of it, compared to friends who would come chill with me, find other ways to have fun other than going out. 

At this time, my best friend was living in Ireland and she still managed to be a better friend to me then some of my friends that lived round the corner. We spoke all the time which was a blessing when I had such a shit boyfriend too. She was my rock throughout my pregnancy. I even visited her in Ireland whilst pregnant. I have written a post about her before. Have a read here. 

Whilst I was sitting at home probably in the bath because of my awful back pains, eating shitty food and online shopping for baby stuff I did not actually need but I thought I did at the time. My friends were out, living their own lives (like they should) and forgot about me. The text and calls soon phased out, no invitations to anything etc. Until I had Lennon, and then some pretended they were here like they were the whole way through. They met Lennon and then didn’t bother much again after. I anger myself sometimes that I wasted my precious time trying to arrange dates to see them. As a mother, time with new borns is something you treasure, some of them wasted my time by seeing them us once.

I really wish I had other friends who were also Mums, I spoke to so many people over Instagram, especially as this is when I started my blog. It was my escape really, talking to myself helped me basically. Writing down everything I had on my mind was the best thing for me. I needed friends I could ask the really random questions, about how my body was changing, what was happening with Lennon. I needed someone to rant to at silly hours of the morning, I needed someone to tell me that being awake all night and feeling exhausted was fine and they felt like that too. Blogging and Instagram helped me massively. How bizarre is it that I could tell someone I had never met everything about me, literally break down to them and I couldn’t text a friend that id made so many memories with. 

I would like to just say that I never went without, I have a very strong and supportive family who helped me throughout my pregnancy and after. My family have been amazing throughout everything, pregnancy, labour, break up and everything in between.

On the upside to this rather depressing post so far, I had friends who I could speak to as well. Friends that did stick with me all the way through, that did check on me. This post is to explain to you that you realise who your real friends are. This definitely did happen to me. 

My friends now…

I have friends that I can truly rely on, that treat myself and Lennon like family. They would put us before some of their own family. I seriously have the best friends going now and I can honestly say I think they will be my friends forever now. To go through everything, I have with these friends, to have stayed with me through all the break downs. To finally see a change in my life to see how happy I am now. 

I have a few different friendship groups, but they all know I love them. I rely on them so much, for all different reasons. We cry, we laugh and most of all we lift each other up. We support each other one way or another. Some are Mothers, some are not. But they all have Lennon to give me some time out, for a date night etc. 

These friends are everything to me, I would not know where I would be now without them. I will not say all the names because they all know exactly who they are. Thank you for everything you do for myself and Lennon. Thank you for showing me what true friendships are. We love you so much. 

Have you ever felt like this? Are you a new Mother of pregnant, if you feel like you need someone to talk to, I am always here. 

Thank you for reading. I got inspiration from this post from my lovely blogger friend Amy. Please go and have a read of her post here

Jade x

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